


when everything's made to be broken (i just want you to know who i am)

by queenofmarigolds



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: ABSOLUTELY WILD, F/F, Ghost Tours, Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor in Love, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Love Confessions, Midvale (Supergirl TV 2015), Pining, Post-Season/Series 05, Stargazing, SuperCorp, but kara knows because she's a genius, but lena is scared to tell her, for a little bit - Freeform, really minor dansen but cute, this took me a while because i did the thing where you don't write it all in one sitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27705328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofmarigolds/pseuds/queenofmarigolds
Summary: Lena Luthor is in love with Kara Danvers. She's known it for a while. She's pretty sure Kara knows it too. She just doesn't really know how to form the words.-Or, Lena tries to figure out how to confess her love for Kara through various stages but it's okay, because Kara will wait for her.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Minor Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen - Relationship
Comments: 42
Kudos: 511





	when everything's made to be broken (i just want you to know who i am)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this quote from When You Reach Me, my favorite book as a kid- “Well, it’s simple to love someone… but it’s hard to know when you need to say it out loud.”
> 
> Disclaimer- i write about science because i love lena too much to have her not talk about science. I know nothing. Every piece of the experiments or whatever mentioned here is complete bullshit. i also don't know much about astronomy so don't be mad if it's not totally correct. Alsooo pretend Lena and Eliza haven’t met before for the sake of this thanks
> 
> (title from iris by the goo goo dolls)

\---  
MAY

Somehow, it was her four year old self that came to mind first that night when she’d guarded Kara’s frame as she was off saving the world in VR. 

It was a profound thought that she remembered having as the cops gave her a blanket and tried to explain what had happened to her mother. The thought that maybe you only realized how important something was when you didn’t have it anymore, like in that Joni Mitchell song her mother would sing along to in the car, even doing the funny voices at the end just to make Lena giggle. You didn’t appreciate what you had until it was too late, just like how she’d never realized just how important that left pink sneaker was for her Polly Pocket until she left it in a hotel room, or how she’d never totally appreciated the importance of Hershey’s Bar Nones to her afternoon routine until they were discontinued. Or, she finally decided while perched atop a milk crate, shivering, listening into radio chatter, how maybe she never quite understood how much she needed her mother until she watched her die. (That was when the dam broke, that was when the first piece of grief set in, and Lena never turned back.)

Now, inexplicably, about twenty-two years later, everything crashed into place, six million memories flooded her consciousness, and Kara lay there oblivious. Or maybe the real tipping point was seeing Kara wrap up her sister in an easy hug, feeling herself ache, wanting so badly to be enveloped into those arms again like nothing ever happened… she was in love with Kara, maybe she’d known all along, but now it hit her and paused her but of course, of fucking _course_ this would be Lena’s fate. Doomed to watch her friend slip away, doomed to love from afar. She never did accept what she had until she lost it. 

\---  
AUGUST

Somehow they start to recover. Lena will forever be grateful that Kara thinks there is a repair to be made, that maybe they can be real friends again. Kara also has told her countless times that Lena is not at fault in the slightest, for anything, that she’s done nothing wrong, and as much as she _knows_ it’s not true, it’s starting to sound really nice coming from Kara, coming from those sincere eyes. 

Months after Kara saves the world (again, Lena would privately think with a hint of pride), after Lena comes to her own crushing realizations, Kara arrives outside her window, buzzing with excitement. It’s her _apartment_ window this time but Kara only hovers a few feet away from the opening, biting back a beam, hands fidgeting with her cape. Lena hurries to the window, opens it wide, only realizes the loose books and unwashed dishes after Kara’s eyes dart to them. Shit.

“You have a really nice place, Lena,” Kara says with the hint of a grin, eyes latched on a large poster of Dolores O’Riordan only barely hidden by the shadow of a wall. Lena wants to blush.

“Thank you,” she replies, maybe too softly. She sees Kara’s hands twitch as she squints at a stack of books, knows Kara wants to go pick them up and scan the titles. She would let her, would let her look at anything in her house if she wanted to, but she doesn’t say anything. Kara does not have to know that. 

Kara seems to pick up on Lena’s gaze and she starts, suddenly looking miles more nervous than before. They’d spoken since May, Kara had visited her in the office a few times and she’d gone to one or two game nights, but they hadn’t really talked, not like before. 

Before all of this, Lena had never left a game night with everyone else. It was an unspoken rule that while the night may be over, Lena and Kara’s time wasn’t over, so everyone would wish them good night and drift off in pairs and then Kara would be in front of her beaming, ready to hear about a new L-Corp design. So while Lena can’t remember the last time she actually left a game night on time, it had started to happen, even if it hurt to watch Kara’s lips shift almost imperceptibly when Lena rose along with Brainy. It had been her own decision to leave with the others, but still. That didn’t mean it hurt any less.

But now here Kara was, twisting her fingers and staring intensely at some print behind Lena’s shoulder.

“Um. I think I probably told you about the alien bar we sometimes go to? Alex actually went there first, a few years back, but now we sort of hang out there a lot— by we I mean me and Alex and Nia, Brainy, Kelly— sometimes J’onn comes too—,”

“What about that reporter?” Lena can’t help herself, regrets the words the moment they leave her mouth. 

Kara looks genuinely puzzled for a beat. “Who? Oh, you mean William? Yeah I guess he came once or twice… I don’t know, I mean, he isn’t there now?” she replies, forehead wrinkled, and Lena hates hates _hates_ that her chest eases up a little.

“Um, that’s what I was coming to say, anyway, that some of the group actually _is_ there now, I think just Kelly and Nia so far but the rest are coming? And, well. I was wondering if you wanted to come. With me. Well, not like _with me_ , with everyone, but, you know, _I_ really wanted you there, and… it’s karaoke night!” Kara finishes with a small smile, cheeks a little pink. Lena averts her gaze.

It’s only eight, and it’s a Friday, and it’s August, and she actually doesn’t have any reason not to go. “Okay,” she replies, and she can almost feel tension drain out of Kara, who immediately stops fidgeting.

“Okay! Okay. I can take you, if you want?”

“Oh, no, I really don’t want to fly.”

“No, of course not! I’ll walk you.”

“Do you have… a change of clothes?” (Lena has an overflowing closet, if she’s being honest, but she really can’t say that she wants Kara to wear her clothes. For obvious, love related reasons. So.)

Kara looks down, seems to process that she’s wearing a goddamn superhero suit, and shrugs. “I do, back at the bar. But for the walk? It'll be fine.”

And that’s how Lena walks down the eight blocks: trailed by National City’s resident superhero, who is looking maybe more disarmed with that suit on than ever before. There are a few whispers, a few photos Lena is sure will find their way online, but Kara is flushed and pretty. Maybe Lena secretly enjoys it. 

Kara ducks into an alley to change before they enter the bar, and as they do, as the noise picks up and Lena suddenly has the crushing fear that she’ll be thrown out— she’s a fucking Luthor, after all— Kara leans in close and whispers in her ear, “They won’t judge your past, everyone in here has one.”

How Kara knew exactly what Lena had been thinking is beyond her, but Kara seems to be correct. She gets a few glances and then it’s over, and she feels relief pour through her a little too strongly.

Before they reach the table, Lena notices Kara’s been biting her lip and eyeing her for a little while, and while Lena could and probably should not engage, she also maybe loves a little too strongly.

“Kara? Is something wrong?” And _damn_ her voice for coming out so soft, damn her eyes for crinkling like she knew they would. Damn her love for this stupidly perfect woman before her, the woman who pauses and looks up in surprise.

“I just… I wanted you to know that William isn’t coming around here again. Not with me, at least.”

She knows she’s reading into it, she knows Kara isn’t saying anything beyond what she actually said, but she can’t help that little voice that says maybe. _Maybe._

The voice gets a little bit louder as Kara insists on walking her home a few hours later, when she beams as Lena admits that she had a really good time, when she asks slowly if maybe they could hang out again soon, as she lingers outside her door before nodding and saying goodbye and bursting away quicker than she came and Lena watches her go and wonders.

\---  
SEPTEMBER

It’s almost a month later when Kara appears in her lab. It’s not totally unexpected— they’ve been together a lot more often lately, and Lena finds herself at the alien bar almost every weekend. Kara’s even stopped by her office several times before.

She hasn’t ever come to the lab, though, not since May. Lena would move to hide what she’s doing except that’d seem suspicious, and she really can’t ever bear to have Kara be upset with her again. 

“Hey, Lena!” It is said with all the brightness of a child on their birthday, Kara is once again beaming at her and sometimes, just sometimes, Lena really wonders what she ever did to deserve this. She’s never been exactly good, has she? And yet Kara continues to crash into her life, the best person she’s ever known, and she has to think that maybe she has done something to deserve this. 

She knows Kara would be proud of her for thinking that and this gives her the fuel to make eye contact. Kara is dressed as Supergirl again, but her hair is a little windswept and there’s a smudge of dirt on her cheekbone. She’s smiling, though, not looking even a bit tired out, and Lena feels herself smile back.

“Hi, Kara. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I was just dealing with some fight nearby and I wanted to make sure you weren’t still awake. But here you are,” she said, suddenly serious, “Lena, you know it’s, like, almost four AM, right?”

“Really?” Lena answers, and Kara nods. 

“What are you working on, anyway? Must be for someone pretty important to be up all night.”

Lena steps back from the table, rolling her shoulders and cracking her knuckles. “You could say that. It’s… well, it’s for you, actually.”

Kara’s eyes are unbearably wide, unbearably blue, and Lena looks firmly at the prototype and wills herself not to blush or bite her lip or do any of the number of things she always does in Kara’s presence to betray herself. “For me?”

“Yeah, Brainy may have let it slip that your comms system was getting a little old. I know he redid your suit a while back, but he never changed those, and I was working on a way to maybe give you longer range and also total accessibility over who you hear, how many are on the comms, who comes to the front, and maybe I can even get you a speaker and a way to make it all a little more inconspicuous, too.”

Kara’s been staring at her the whole time, eyes still wide, and Lena shrinks a little bit. She hates herself for it, but it really is a natural reaction after growing up around Lex— the dismissal was commonplace.

“Well, if you want that, of course. It’s only an experimental thing for now, I’m just tinkering with audio capacity, which isn’t really my strong suit anyway, and if you or Alex or anyone is uncomfortable with me helping—,”

“You can do that?” Kara speaks finally. “Oops. Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. But since I did? That sounds amazing, and no one would be uncomfortable with you helping. You’re brilliant Lena. To be honest? I trust you a lot more than Brainy. The other day he was fixing up some DEO shields and muttering about Nia the whole time. It’s a little concerning.”

Lena bites her lip— only from the inside, she’s getting better. “Yeah, that may have been partially due to me. I may have given him a very misguided way of coping with feelings a while back, he’s dealing with the total release phase of recovery. So am I, coincidentally.”

Kara smiles at her. “Oh, is this that little box thing he’s been talking about? Glad you’ve seen reason, Lena. That’s deeply unhealthy.” She says it all jokingly, but Lena can tell she’s serious beneath it and it’s a complicated feeling.

“You should talk,” she says quickly, regrets it, but Kara laughs aloud. 

“Oh, I know. Unresolved childhood trauma basically exudes from me constantly. But hey! I’m working on it.”

Lena is glad they’re back to speaking, back to themselves again, the joking and the slight banter. She’d missed Kara, realized what she’s lost, and maybe it took years but the lesson had finally settled in. She was going to appreciate things when she had them. Ideally. 

“Well, that’s good to hear, Kara. Are we still on for lunch next week? I think I said I’d let you pick the restaurant.”

“Totally! I’m thinking about this taco place I passed last week when I was stopping this armed robbery? Alex actually yelled at me ‘cause I stopped chasing the bad guys to check the menu. It was only for a second, though!” Kara protested at Lena’s giggling (since when does she _giggle_? Christ).

“Wherever you want to go is fine by me, Kara. But shouldn’t you be getting to sleep? I think someone recently told me it’s almost four AM.”

“Four ten, now,” Kara responds with a sigh, hovers in the air for a second before touching down again. “Wait. You need to go to sleep too.”

“I’m so close to being done with this, Kara.”

“Lena! At least six hours of sleep a night, you promised.” 

“Okay, okay. What if I finish this by five, and then I sleep until eleven?”

Kara looks doubtful. “I’ll have to check on you to make sure you really do.”

Lena feels a jolt of something at the idea of Kara waiting outside her window as she sleeps, but she pushes it away. “I will! I’ll tell Jess not to expect me in until noon tomorrow. Okay?”

“Okay,” Kara nods, hovers again.

“Wait, Kara, you have something—,” Lena gestures to her cheek and Kara touches down again, rubbing a little too low.

“Did I get it?”

“No, not quite.” Before Lena can think she’s stepping forward, touching her thumb to Kara’s cheekbone and oh, maybe she’s imagining Kara’s hitched breath but she definitely feels the heat emanating from the woman before her and it’s a little bit much, overall. She swipes her thumb over the dirt.

“There. All done.” She’s _whispering_ , for some reason, because it doesn’t quite feel right to speak loudly and Kara’s barely breathing and Lena is just so overwhelmed and why would she do that, what the fuck was she thinking?

“Thanks.”

“Any time.”

Kara’s still staring at her. “Goodnight, Lena,” she says, and this is where it all turns. Kara leans in quick to Lena’s cheek, going to press a kiss in a _platonic place_ , Lena reminds herself, and then Lena turns her head just a bit to give Kara a hug, and it’s too late for either of them to move before Kara’s lips are crashing into her own and her eyes are slipping shut. 

It’s a lot. It’s initial shock, but then there’s a pause, a slight movement, and Kara is leaning into the kiss and _oh_ Lena’s never felt like this before, Kara is warm and steady and strong and just tall enough for her neck to have to hunch down just a tiny bit and…

Kara pulls back and she’s stammering. Lena’s eyes slip open and Kara’s also beet red, wringing her hands, hair askew, biting her lip (which is tinged a little bit like Lena’s lipstick, which sends a rush through her all over again).

“Oh… oh, Rao, Lena, I’m so sorry. I was trying to kiss your cheek, but then I misjudged it all, it’s totally my fault, please don’t be mad, I… and if I leaned in, I really wasn’t trying to…”

“Kara,” Lena shakes her head, voice a little gravelly.

“And we just were fighting a few months ago and I wasn’t planning for it to move that fast— not that I was planning to do that! Or, I mean, maybe I—,” Kara falls off, questioningly, looking terrified, and Lena is loath to keep her that way, lets her arm grasp Kara’s (okay, maybe she’s kind of touching Kara’s bicep but it’s a lot, okay, and Kara is really just _right there_ ).

“Kara.”

Kara, eyes wide, nods.

“Do you maybe want to kiss me again?”

Kara nods again, eyes even wider, and Lena loves her so much in that moment, _so_ much more than she thought possible because it feels like her heart is grasping for Kara’s and it’s amazing to her, she didn’t think she could do that. 

She loves Kara, but she doesn’t think she can say it, can’t form the words, doesn’t know when to say it out loud. It’s maybe alright though because Kara surges forward again and when she finally does fly off for the night, it’s with a soft little smile around the eyes that Lena hasn’t ever seen before. Maybe it’s pride.

\---  
OCTOBER

Lena is possibly panicking. 

Her computer isn’t helping, chiming its little alert to notify her that she has an event at seven and she is _aware_ , hyperaware even, of the fact that she has a date with Kara in forty fucking minutes and she isn’t close to being ready.

Lena picks at the side of her nail before slapping her hand down, reprimanding herself for trying to slip back into old habits for a girl. Not any girl, though, she reminds herself. Kara.

Kara, who is probably all ready to go and not worried at all and draped on her couch or flying around the city or doing something productive, at the very least. And Lena is here, dressed in an enormous shirt Kara had won at a diner for eating, as the owner had said, “more pie than humanly possible.” A shirt which Kara had won with a proud puff of her chest and then a huge smile at Lena. A shirt Lena had said she’d liked, a shirt Kara had then pressed into her arms with a little lopsided smile, and _this was not helping_. Damn it.

There were two ways Lena could go with the date at hand, though. And it didn’t help at all that Kara refused to tell her where they were going. So there was a dress, a new one, a _hot_ one with a low cut on the shoulders and a little cinch at the hips. And then there was a pair of jeans that Kara’s eyes had latched onto once in her apartment, paired with a shirt that was velvety but less revealing. And Lena was stuck.

In her time of crisis she sends a text to Sam, a quick photo of the outfits with “which one” typed below. Her phone dings, then dings again, then again and again until Lena hurriedly unlocks it and enters the text chain. 

_OMG  
AUNT LENA  
ARE YOU GOING ON A DATE  
WAIT ARE YOU REALLY  
OH MY GOD MOM’S GONNA FREAK_

However inconvenient the onslaught of questions from both Ariases would prove to be, Lena bites her lip and hits the FaceTime option at the top of her screen. Instantly Ruby’s face comes into view.

“Aunt Lena, tell me _everything_.”

Lena sighs. “Is your mom there?”

Ruby hesitates, then yells loudly, “Mom! Lena’s calling you and she’s going on a date!”

Sam is there so fast it’s like she still has her powers. “Lena Luthor, you accepted a date without telling me? Who’s it with?”

“Beside the point. Ruby, show her the outfits.”

“There’s no need to show me, which one’s hotter?”

“Well, it’s complicated—,”

“Accentuate your boobs,” Ruby says sagely, leaning across the screen to pop a few pieces of candy corn into her mouth. 

“Ruby!” Lena says, scandalized, but Sam is laughing loudly. “Sam, that is your daughter for sure.”

“Yeah, but she’s right. Show off the boob.”

“And normally I would, except—,”

“Wait. Except? Is this a special date? Is Lena Luthor hoping for more?”

Lena knows she is blushing but she can’t help it. “Um. Maybe?”

“Okay, now you’re obligated to tell us who it’s with,” Ruby says.

“Obligated?”

“She’s fifteen, she’s always right. Tell us now,” Sam says, leaning in.

Lena sighs. “Well… I mean, Kara showed up at my lab last month and—,”

She is cut off by a shriek, Sam has thrown herself closer to the camera and her eyes are wide. “Kara _Danvers_?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Oh my god, Lena! Did you guys kiss already? Wait, wrong question, have you… you know…?”

“Sam, you’re with your child.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that Kara hasn’t really told me where we’re going, so I didn’t want to—,”

“Say no more, I looked at the photo. Go with the jeans. Kara’s obsessed with seeing you look all casual. Plus, the velvet is hot.”

“Sam, I’m panicking.”

“Okay, don’t, I’m going to hang up on you in a second so you can put on those pants and make your ass look fantastic but first take a breath. Do yourself a favor and remember that you could show up wearing that hideous shirt you’re wearing right now and Kara would probably blush.”

“She would, though, Kara told me she won that shirt for Lena,” Ruby points out and Sam groans.

“You two are unbearably cute. Go stumble over your words.”

And then they’re gone, and Lena throws her phone onto the bed and dresses herself.

Looking in the mirror she does have to admit that she looks pretty good. Her hair is a little wavy at the ends but she fights the urge to straighten it, knows Kara usually watches her hair a little longer like this. She slips in green earrings and maybe it accentuates her eyes a little and Lena maybe feels a little more ready than before.

Then it’s the waiting that kills her. She paces around her apartment, changes the backs of her earrings three times, makes herself a sandwich to eat tomorrow, tries on a new pair of shoes, adjusts the thermostat twice, and ultimately slides into a stiff chair in her kitchen and resigns herself to tapping her foot.

She grabs her phone five minutes before seven and is greeted with an onslaught of texts from Ruby, consisting of a large GOOD LUCK with emoji pink surfboards and rainbow hearts. She isn’t sure if this is some new high school “thing”, so she tentatively sends back a red heart before muting the text chain. She can deal with that later.

She’ll have to, really, because there is a knock on her door and Lena feels like she should’ve at least _pretended_ she wasn’t waiting right next to it but she still swings it open abruptly because this is Kara.

And there Kara is, dressed in a white and black button up with her hair up in an ornate fashion and she looks really good, really _really_ good, and Lena is struck by the idea that she and Kara are _dating_. 

When she meets Kara’s eyes they are soft and happy. “You look so beautiful, Lena. Are you ready?”

It’s then that Lena is hit with the urge to tell Kara just how she feels again, the urge to loudly proclaim her love for this dork who has such nice forearms that she shows off really well with her shirt sleeves cuffed up.

Except this is the first date and they’ve forgiven each other, they’ve moved on but there’s still that littlest bit of tentativeness. The little bit of doubt they aren’t quite back from. And Kara is here now, eyebrows raised and smile steady, and Lena just smiles back and takes her arm.

“Let’s go.”

\---  
NOVEMBER

Lena isn’t one to gush but she’s gushing, has been for the past month. Kara Danvers has made her soft, she’s resigned herself to it. 

Ultimately losing her edge was most recent on a long list of things Kara Danvers had caused her to do, underneath making a personal twitter (“Lena of course you’d get followers, half of National City’s in love with you!”— Lena had to bite her lip from asking if Kara was included in that half), trying a horrifying contraption Kara called a donut-cinnamon roll (“It’s good when you try it, Lena. I’ll even eat kale for you again if you try it”), and giving Kara full access to her Netflix so that she wouldn’t have to share with Alex (“I swear I wouldn’t ask but she keeps bullying me for watching Hallmark movies”).

And of course it went both ways, but Lena giving into Kara was really much more of the result of her lack of control when Kara pulled out her pout and puppy dog eyes. So.

Lena actually is on Twitter when Jess pages her. Kara had told her that being on social media would garner her favor among the young people of National City, and Nia has coached her on the ins and outs of interacting on the app. She types a slightly rude reply to Morgan Edge’s latest tweet (who can blame her, really?) and hits send, watching notifications roll in instantly. Kara had been right; she did have quite a lot of followers.

So as she’s gazing at some confusingly worded response about jawlines by someone she assumes to be about seventeen years old, Jess notifies her that Kara is waiting downstairs.

“But she’s being weird about it, she says she’s here for work and that she doesn’t want you to be distracted by her charm? Or something like that. So apparently you’re supposed to treat her like any other reporter. I wish you two would keep your freaky roleplay out of my workplace, honestly.”

Lena raises an eyebrow at her with a smirk. “Could you just send her up, please?”

Jess does, and then Kara is peeking around Lena’s door frame with big eyes and a big smile and Lena loves her so much, loves her beyond all reason, wants to pluck Kara out of her routine and her duties and cuddle with her on Lena’s sofa, let her own head fit onto Kara’s collarbone and feel a smile in her hair. 

Unfortunately they are at work, and Kara quickly steels her expression into almost comical seriousness. “Ms. Luthor.”

“Kara, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Lena!” Kara hisses, “professional!”

“Oh, sorry. Ms. Danvers?”

“I’m working on an article. A real one this time, because with all the Andrea chaos I’ve managed to keep my head down and churn out a few fluff pieces without spontaneously combusting and now they're letting me in at a real analysis. About rapid technology advancement and how it affects the management of the technology corporations.”

“That’s very specific.” (That sounds like an article catered to be about Lena.)

Kara blushes and this confirms Lena’s suspicions. She bites her lip. “I was actually interested!” Kara protests, and Lena can’t do much more than laugh at Kara’s indignancy.

“Do you want me to talk about our newest breakthroughs?” Lena asks, taking pity on her, and Kara grins with soft eyes (she’s adorable, there’s no doubt about it).

“Yes, and I also should mention that Kelly sent me the link to the menu for this new Vietnamese place that opened around the corner from here and it looks _so_ good and I’m thinking I’ll pick you up from work today and we can swing by and pick up some food? Have dinner in the park?”

“Kara,” Lena mock-gasps, “I thought we were being professional!”

Kara rolls her eyes, smiling. “Oh, shut up.”

“It sounded like you were trying to ask me on a date. Are you trying to seduce me, Kara Danvers?”

“Lena, stop, Jess is gonna ban me from coming back if she thinks we’re being too cute,” Kara whines.

“What do you mean? We’re always too cute.”

“She’s a jealous hater.”

“I’ll let her know you said that.”

“Wait actually please don’t, I just got her to like me,” Kara says, eyes wide, and Lena can’t help but laugh.

“I seem to remember you asking for some quotes for an article you’re writing?”

Kara actually looks blank for a millisecond before blinking, straightening up, and flipping her recorder. “Whenever you’re ready, Ms. Luthor.”

Lena hesitates. “If I talk conceptually—,”

Kara beams across the desk. “What, just ‘cause I’m a reporter you assume I can’t handle a little bit of science? Grow up, Lena.” She accompanies her last sentence with a peck on Lena’s mouth and the intensity of her love is high, the desire to announce to the world how much she loves one Kara Zor-El has gotten close to unbearable. Lena blushes instead.

“Then you should let me talk. Professionally.”

Kara smirks and settles back into her seat, and Lena hates to admit it but when the article is in its issue of CatCo she’s a little shocked her quotes come across as coherent. She can’t remember a second of that interview, instead focused on how Kara’s collar accentuated her hairstyle and how pretty she looked when she smiled and how smart Kara was, nodding along with her brow furrowed in interest as Lena explained her ideas and somehow translating them into non-science speak for the article. 

Lena knew she was past the point of pretending, knew that she was in too deep, but when Kara came back a few hours after the interview to proudly escort Lena to the Vietnamese takeout spot Lena thinks maybe that’s okay. 

\---  
DECEMBER 

Lena wakes up warm, legs unnaturally comfortable, light glancing over her eyelids, and so she knows she must be at Kara’s place.

Kara isn’t actually in the bed, though, which means there is an actual emergency. Lena didn’t want to brag, but she got Kara to sleep in with her nine times out of ten, a feat Mon-El rarely achieved (it’s petty but she needs to get her self esteem somewhere), and in the event Kara wasn’t there it meant trouble only Supergirl could rectify.

Rolling over she notices her phone is dead, which is unfortunate. She really should text Alex and ask how the Supergirl situation is going. She should also ask Alex what Eliza would want for the holidays, because Kara had invited her to drive to Midvale with her and Alex and was looking so hopeful and Lena kind of hates herself for agreeing to everything. 

She fumbles with her charger before letting her head slide back down the pillow, brainstorming how to ask your girlfriend’s sister what her mother would like for the holidays while you don’t completely know her feelings on, like, the fact that you were her daughter’s friend-turned-enemy for no less than eight months. So. 

Lena’s eyes are closed so she feels more than sees Kara touch down inside, feels her boots shake the wood paneled floor just the slightest bit and lets the breath of wind puff by her face. She opens her eyes with a smile.

Kara is squinting at her already, clearly having tried to determine whether or not she was awake, and she smiles softly. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Lena replies, sliding out of Kara’s bed to get to the coffee machine, “what was today’s emergency?”

“Spiraling car on the highway, no one could get there in time, turned out to be an alien dealing with some sensory overload. Too much noise.” Kara flops down on her comforter.

“Good thing you got there in time, collisions would’ve made it worse,” Lena calls from the kitchen, “coffee?”

“Yes please,” Kara says, floating over to the kitchen to stack some mugs. 

“Good job, Supergirl,” Lena says, letting herself lean a little bit into Kara’s biceps (sue her), gazing up at Kara’s widened eyes.

“Um. Thank you.”

Lena straightens herself up after a lingering moment as the machine beeps and Kara hands her two mugs, floating back toward the room partition.

If Lena had known just months before how codependent she and Kara had gotten, how _domestic_ , she wouldn’t have believed it. But this is how they are now, the couple that spends weekend mornings lazy in each other’s space and weekday mornings in states of chaos while Kara subtly watches Lena change. It’s the kind of thing she would’ve pined for as a teenager, _did_ pine for at twenty six years old, actually, and it’s beautiful, it’s perfect. 

She still can’t quite make herself say the words she means, though, the ‘I love you’. It’s true, it’s what she wants Kara to know, but she just… the words just don’t come out the way she means and she finds herself not knowing when to say them.

She will soon, she will. 

She hears a dull buzzing from the other side of the partition as she walks closer to it with the coffee, calls, “Kara, did my phone just buzz?” 

“Yeah, it did. Let me just… oh, it’s locked from restarting. Hold on, I can... wait, when did you change your password?” Kara pokes her head out of the partition. 

Shit. 

Lena Luthor is notorious for her passwords. They were obscenely confusing, different on every device, made up of random sequences of characters she’d memorized. Her phone password was one of the type-in ones, filled with an odd series of letters and symbols, much to Kara’s distress.

Or, it used to be.

In her defense, it was a little hard to remember all the different codes. And it wasn’t like her new password could be cracked, either.

“Uh, I don’t know. A few weeks back.”

“It’s a six digit one, too? Lena, has my wheedling finally gotten through to you?”

“ _Wheedling_? Kara, is this 1910?”

“Hey! Don’t distract me. What could possibly be important enough to change Lena Luthor’s passcode?”

Okay. So maybe Lena had been a little lonely one night when Kara was at the DEO longer than usual. Maybe she had decided it would be a good idea to keep a piece of Kara with her always. Maybe she had cracked and set her phone password to be Kara’s earth birthday. It wasn’t like any hacker would know it!

“Nothing?” Lena attempts, but Kara raises an eyebrow. (It’s a remarkably _Lena_ expression and Lena thinks maybe they’re spending enough time together that they’re starting to rub off on each other, and that thought makes her excessively warm inside.)

“Lena. Don’t lie to me. I’m your girlfriend!” 

It’s Kara’s puppy dog eyes that get her, and she really needs to work on that. 

“Fine. It’s 05?”

Kara types it, looks up questioningly.

“180...3.”

“051803? Oh, I’m in. The text is from Nia, by the way, teaching you something about MLA format. I thought you were a genius, Lena, why do you need Nia to… wait.”

Lena can see the gears working in Kara’s head. She decides to go with it. “051803... May 18th 2003? That’s right, isn’t it?” Lena asks softly.

Kara nods slowly, and Lena is a little alarmed to see her eyes filling with tears.

“Oh no, Kara, don’t cry please—,” Lena isn’t really sure what to do, slipping her phone into her back pocket and capturing Kara in a stiff hug.

“But that’s… that’s my earth birthday,” Kara says slowly, and Lena laughs softly. 

“I know, darling, it wasn’t really a coincidence.”

Kara pulls back a bit, holds Lena at arm’s length. “Why?”

 _Because I love you_ , Lena wants to say, but instead she just smiles. “Because it throws the hackers off my trail.”

Kara chokes out a little sob-laugh and draws Lena in for another hug and Lena realizes two things then and there.

The first is that Kara probably knows she loves her. Knows why she changed her password.

The second is that Kara is willing to take any dumb jokes or silly deflections because she also probably knows that it’s hard for Lena to say it just yet. 

This is likely because Kara is a perfect person, but that’s neither here nor there.

When they pull back Kara’s tears are drying and she takes a sip of her coffee. “I’ll have to change mine to 102493. That’s even harder to crack since I’m pretty sure there are actual Twitter accounts dedicated to finding out your birthday.”

“It’s been compromised ever since I was arrested, they’ll find it out eventually,” Lena laughs, and pulls Kara in for a kiss, and thinks about the joint Christmas tree and menorah lighting in the town square in Midvale she’s heard Kara ramble about for years and when she might be able to tell Kara she loved her. It would be good for her to know.

\---  
LATE DECEMBER

Hanukkah has ended when Kara, Alex, Kelly, and Lena make the drive to Midvale, but Eliza tells them they will celebrate it either way. “They light the menorah in front of City Hall regardless of whether Hanukkah is actually happening, so we’ll go with it.”

The Danverses celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah, or did when Jeremiah was alive. They keep the tradition, though, Alex explains through the four hour drive to the Danvers family home (Kara insisted the driving was part of the fun and that flying defeated the purpose).

And so Lena found herself in the backseat with Kara, who was laying her head on Lena’s shoulder and beaming up at her while tearing little ropes off of some king sized Twizzlers to stuff in her mouth. She was adorable, and Lena was so weak.

“Okay, crash course,” Alex remarked loudly from the driver’s seat, “my mom is nothing to be afraid of unless you mention any sort of movie-musical in her presence, because then we _will_ watch something three hours long while she and Kara sob on the couch and act insufferable—,”

“Hey! Alex, I am not insufferable!”

“Shh, I’m not finished. Kelly, you’re not allowed to make fun of my childhood bedroom but I will disclose that I do have a giant poster of Kirsten Dunst above my bed that I used to sort of _gaze_ at, and you are allowed to make fun of that.”

“She’s hot,” Kelly shrugs.

“I love you. What else? Lena, I don’t care if you make fun of Kara’s room, it’s embarrassing for her and she needs to know it. If you want to start a conversation with my mom either bring up Jean from her bird-watching group or something about Rosalind Franklin, she gets equally outraged about both options. That’s pretty much it, I think. Right Kara?”

Kara bites down on a Twizzler, furrowing her brow. “Uh… firstly, my room is not embarrassing, it’s just a shrine to Britney and Justin. So Alex is absolutely wrong, she was just going through her angsty phase. She listened to a lot of Fiona Apple and Tori Amos.”

Kelly laughs loudly. “You thought you were _straight_?”

Alex is bright red. “I was also listening to a lot of Fiona Apple,” Lena chimes in. Just to help her out.

“See!” Alex gestures wildly.

“Lena is a lesbian.”

Lena snorts. 

“ _Anyway_ ,” Kara says loudly, “Since Alex would rather embarrass me than actually be helpful, I’ll give you a tour when we get there. And there’s a two-minute path to the beach, and it’s a pretty secluded area, so it’s great for walks. It was also pretty useful when Alex thought she was going to become a pro-boogie boarder,” Kara smirks.

“Kara used to watch the Midvale mayor’s speeches because she thought his wife was hot.”

“Alex once threw up in a jack-o-lantern.”

“Kara cried over High School Musical 2.”

“Alex had a phase where she thought straw hats were cool.”

“Kara got repeatedly scammed by a ten year old selling Girl Scout cookies.”

“Girls,” Lena cuts in, biting her lips to avoid laughing, “as much as I’m loving this, are we nearby?”

A large sign had proclaimed Midvale was half a mile away, and Kelly and Alex began to discuss dinner plans. Kara turned to Lena. 

“My hero,” she said, eyes big, “Alex is cruel.”

Lena stroked her hair. “It’s okay, baby. But do I have to fight the mayor’s wife over my girlfriend?”

“She was in her sixties more than ten years ago, I think you’re fine,” Alex remarked.

“Meanie.”

“Dummy.”

“Are you two five years old?” Lena giggled. Kara flopped dramatically back onto Lena’s shoulder. “Lena, I think I need a kiss to make me better after that harrowing exchange.”

“You two are disgusting,” Alex calls, leaning over to kiss Kelly.

“Hypocrite.”

“Here we are!” Kara exclaims, bouncing a little in her seat.

The nerves set in for the first time and the house looks intimidating, looming. Lena feels her stomach churn.

They step out of the car, Kara stacking all the luggage on one arm, much to Alex’s concern (“No one can see me from here, Alex, and I won’t make Kelly and Lena carry their own bags. You, maybe,”) and Alex winding her hand with Kelly’s. The path up to the front door is crunchy, coated in seashells, and Alex points out the ocean view from behind some of the trees in the distance. 

Kara and Alex’s mother opens the door and immediately embraces Kelly, who is standing at the front of the crowd. As she does, Kara turns Lena, blue eyes sincere. 

“I’m really, really happy you’re here. Eliza is going to love you. If you ever want to step away for a second let me know, okay?”

Lena can’t do much more than nod, a little overwhelmed by her love for Kara as usual. And, as usual, she can’t quite twist her mouth into those words, can’t quite get the power in her chest to just _say_ it.

And then she’s being hugged. “Lena, I’m so excited to finally meet you. Please call me Eliza, and if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to let me know, okay?”

-

Kara helps Lena unpack in her bedroom, Lena teasing her about the decorative choices. “When I left it was, like, 2009, Lena,” Kara whines, but when Lena leans in for an apologetic kiss Kara accepts.

Downstairs Eliza has put out chips and guacamole, and when Lena and Kara trek downstairs they find Kelly and Alex helping themselves. Eliza is gathering photo albums from a high ledge, which makes Kara groan loudly. “Eliza, no, please!” Alex looks slightly panicked.

But Lena and Kelly are eager, pulling up chairs and soon Lena finds herself traveling down memory lane, watching Kara give the camera huge toothy grins and Alex pull faces. There are a few photos of Alex and her friends at games and parties while Kara seems to linger off to the side, which reminds Lena of the startling fact that Kara is an outsider too, that she was never quite on the beat. It warms her to think of.

After photo albums and appetizers Eliza serves dinner, telling them to eat quickly because they need to be in front of City Hall in an hour for the celebration. Kara practically inhales three plates and Lena winds their fingers together under the table, squeezing Kara’s hand every time she is overwhelmed by her affection. Which is quite often, if Lena’s being completely honest with herself.

The thing that’s actually terrifying is that Eliza is definitely going to spend alone time with both Lena and Kelly while they’re here, and while she seems lovely she is still Kara’s parent and this still makes Lena want to scream. Eliza wants to take her own car to town and asks for company, and her eyes linger on Lena, and before she can stop herself Lena is volunteering and watching Kelly, Alex and Kara drive off as she climbs into Eliza’s SUV.

It’s a nice car, and Lena runs her fingers over the cup holders as Eliza turns the key. They sit in silence for a few seconds before Eliza backs out of the driveway and starts to speak.

“You know, Kara’s been talking about you since you first met. I remember when she called to say she was going to be a reporter and the conversation turned to how impressive she found you in about twenty seconds. I think she’d met you maybe twice by then.”

Lena smiles to herself. “Really?”

Eliza nods. “I always thought she was a little hung up on you, even when she wasn’t with you. And honestly, I was rooting for you two the whole time. Some of her choices in relationships were… questionable, at best.”

“I didn’t think we were ever going to happen,” Lena replies, finding herself opening up before she notices.

“You know,” Eliza says thoughtfully, “when you and Kara were fighting last year? She was just so broken up. She calls me every weekend, you know, just to check in, and I could tell over those months. She was just so… sad. And then when she mentioned you hadn’t been coming over, it clicked for me. You know, those calls were so interesting. She’d mention some fight you got in, some project you were working on, and she’d sound a little angry, maybe, or upset. And then she’d go quiet, and she’d say there was some new movie she didn’t want to see without you, or that she didn’t want to order Big Belly Burger without you, and she’d just sound so… I can’t explain it. So heartbroken.”

Lena plays with her fingers. Guilt is setting in.

“Lena,” Eliza says, so very softly, and Lena looks up. “She’s so proud of you, you know. And I’m so glad you two were able to work it all out, and thrilled you’re seeing each other. I think you complement each other very nicely. Forgive me if I’m being too forward, but I’d like to say I’m just as much in your corner as hers, so if you ever need something, I’m available.”

She wants to cry, feels tears pricking at her eyes, and Eliza smiles over at her. “She’s always so excited to talk about you, to tell people she’s dating _Lena Luthor_. Force for good. That’s always how she puts it.”

When they pull into the parking lot Lena thanks Eliza and the other woman nods. It’s for more than the car ride and they both know it. 

Kara is lingering near Kelly and Alex, who are gazing at each other sweetly, and when she sees Lena she perks up instantly.

“Lena!” she calls, “there’s some guy here dressed as Hermy the misfit elf, I told him how much you love _Rudolph_ and he said he’d take a picture with us!”

Eliza smiles at her softly and Lena nods before striding over to Kara, who is actually bouncing on the balls of her feet and Lena _loves_ her.

-

When they get back to the house it’s late, and Kara is yawning. Lena suggests they go to bed, and when she exits the bathroom wearing her Grinch pajamas Kara beams, hopping into the bed and gesturing for Lena to join her. 

Kara looks absolutely adorable, cheeks pink with the night air that is drifting through her cracked window, snuggled in a blanket with snowmen patterning it, eyes wide and smiling at Lena. Sometimes she isn’t sure how she got so lucky.

When she gets into bed beside Kara, Kara snuggles up close to her shoulder and lets Lena rest her head on her chest.

“What did you and Eliza talk about on the way?” Kara asks, and Lena feels her body rumble with the question beneath her ear. 

“You,” she says simply, and Kara shifts.

“What about me?”

Kara’s hands are moving nervously across her bedsheet and Lena really can’t lie to her, not like this. “She told me that she’s always rooted for us, that she didn’t think you had great taste in men,” She pauses, making sure Kara is comfortable with this, letting Kara giggle so she can press kiss to her collarbone before continuing, “she talked a little bit about when we were fighting, too? She said you seemed really sad. That you sounded like you were disappointed but also missed your best friend a little bit, too.”

Kara winds her legs around Lena’s, breathes a little. “Fighting with you was… the worst,” Kara proclaims easily. “A lot of really bad stuff has happened to me, and I’ve lost a lot of people, and losing you was something I don’t want to replicate. It hurt so much for such a long time and… I don’t know. We’re past it, we’ve moved on together, and I’m so glad. I’m so thankful for you, Lena.”

“Wrong holiday Kara.”

“Shoot.”

“I’m thankful for you, too,” Lena says softly, and Kara presses a kiss to her hair. She drifts off easily, almost thinks she hears Kara murmur something onto her forehead but she’s too tired to ask what it is.

-

They stay in Midvale a while, through Christmas, which is very different from what Lena’s used to. Kara wakes her up by actually bouncing on the bed. There is a quick breakfast before presents, and Lena has to will herself not to cry every time a new package is dropped in front of her. Kelly, Alex, and Eliza had all bought her gifts, and Kelly had even packed presents from Brainy, Nia, and J’onn to distribute as well. Kara sits pressed up into her side, anticipating every time Lena feels a little overwhelmed and rubbing her back through it. 

Kara’s beams are beautiful and everyone is so happy. Eliza makes hot chocolate and Kelly and Alex decorate a gingerbread house and Kara and Lena exchange their presents, and they are so thoughtful Lena actually does cry this time. Kara kisses her through it and it feels like a storybook holiday, like a dream Lena would have had as a teenager that would’ve made her bitter upon waking to find she had none of the love she’d imagined.

She’s almost worried that when she wakes up on the twenty-sixth it will all have been a dream but she is greeted with the smell of a pound cake from downstairs and when Kara glances up from her whipped cream-coated hot chocolate to beam at Lena her chest settles, finalizes itself. This is real. 

It is real and she loves Kara, loves her so dearly with her silly whipped cream mustache and her kindness. 

Kara asks her to take a walk on the beach, looking nervous, and Lena agrees. It’s still surprising to her that it’s so warm in December here, she’s still built for the east coast even after all these years in National City. However, it’s warm outside and Kara puts on a light blue sweater and takes Lena’s hand and Lena is so content right then.

It’s midmorning but the beach is empty except for a surfer a few hundred feet down, and Kara takes off her shoes and socks at the edge of the trail up to the house, guiding Lena to the ocean. 

Kara rolls up both of their pants, showing Lena how far to wade in so the water doesn’t surpass her ankles and then they are walking, fingers and hands and arms twining together until they bump each other with every passing step. Kara stops them every so often to pick up a shell that she hands to Lena, blushing each time, telling her it’s almost as beautiful as she is, which is so corny but makes Lena smile all the same. Lena gets a few side-profile shots of Kara against the sun above, throws a little sand into Kara’s hair so she’ll take it down and scratch through it.

It feels like home, feels calm, and Lena really can’t believe she’s here when just that May she’d been so alone. So stuck. 

Kara stops suddenly, sitting down where the sand is still dry and gazing up at Lena questioningly, inviting her to do the same. Lena sits.

“I, um. I have something I wanted to say to you?” Kara says, looking out at the horizon. “I’ve… well, I kind of… um…”

Lena puts her hand over Kara’s fidgeting one and Kara makes eye contact with her and smiles, nods, takes a breath. 

“Okay. I’ve always cared about you so much, even since the beginning, and when you were mad at Supergirl it just crushed me. I didn’t feel like I could breathe. And then when you knew I was Supergirl, when you were mad at _Kara_... like I told you a few nights back, it was the worst. Horrible.

But when you came to my apartment that day, I think it confirmed something for me, and then when you came to the bar it set in, and then when I kissed you, and all that time since then…” Kara gazes over at her, makes deliberate eye contact. “Lena, I love you. I’m so in love with you.”

It feels like Lena’s world is coming together.

Kara smiles, a little one at the corner of her mouth, adorable, “I’m so glad that I’m with you, and I’m so glad we’ve been healing together and… well, and I love you, Lena. And you don’t have to say it back!” Kara rushed to say, eyes wide, “I understand. Whenever you’re ready, okay? I just wanted you to know.”

And the fact that Kara is patient, is willing to wait, understands the stupid blockade that’s been forming in her throat ever since May… the fact that Kara knows, understands, but won’t push her… that’s proof enough for Lena.

She surges forward and kisses Kara, who looks so happy and proud of herself and a little cocky and she really is just perfect, Lena thinks, before she stops thinking and lets Kara’s beam drive her along.

-

That night Kelly has booked them for a Ghosts of Midvale walking tour, which Kara responds to with disdain. It’s out of character for her, but she grumbles through the car ride to the first stop about how small towns in California can’t advertise ghosts, how that’s something for London and Boston to keep to themselves, how she doesn’t want to walk four miles after ten o’clock. 

But Alex is excited, and Lena is privately curious about what a beach town could claim in their short-lived history, so they find themselves the only guests behind an old man with Ben Franklin spectacles and a top hat. “He’s the freaking ghost,” Kara mutters, and Lena stifles a snort. Kara looks proud of herself.

It soon becomes clear that Kara’s mission for the night is to be sarcastic enough to catch Lena by surprise and make her laugh, and Lena has to admit that it happens more than she should say. What can she do? She has a weak spot for Kara Danvers, always has. 

When the tour guide’s back is turned Kara floats two inches above the ground, hems of her loose jeans waving in the ocean breeze, clinging onto Lena’s arm. “If we left now we could still make that screening of Finding Nemo at the movie theater,” Kara whispers in her ear.

“Kelly and Alex would murder us.”

“I’m invulnerable. Lena, please?” Kara whines.

“No.”

“Pleeease?” 

“Shh, I want to hear about Bryce the surfer ghost.”

“I just wanna spend time with my girlfriend who I love very much.” 

Damn it.

-

She forces Kara to stick out the tour but they fly back. Kara takes her to the roof, to a particular little edge that isn’t quite visible from the driveway, adjusts Lena so she’s lying against her shoulder.

“That’s Venus,” Kara points, and Lena follows her gesture towards a spot slightly brighter than the regular star. “And that’s Mars, you can tell because it’s reddish. See?”

Lena hums her assent, pointing to a cluster of stars. “What’s that?”

“I think that’s Pisces,” Kara replies, “And over there? That’s Orion’s belt.”

Lena moves her finger up to Kara's, winds her hand to trace over the tops of the trees in the distance, slots her head under Kara’s chin. Kara allows it, settling her other arm over Lena’s waist, humming lowly so Lena feels it on her back. 

“Can you see Rao from here?”

She asks it quietly, feels Kara go still for a moment. She knows it was a little too far, fears Kara might get distant, but Kara sighs. “Yeah. It’s faint, but if you look over in that direction… a little to the left of the turret on that house down the street. It’s reddish, but not as bright as Mars. It’s so far away, it should look more like a smudge from here.”

Lena squints, lines her eyes over the groups of stars. Then she sees it, between a little circle of white light there is a dull smudge of red, a faint trace invisible unless you’re looking for it, the distance incredible to her. This is where Kara is from. This unimaginable space, this foreign world… this brought Kara to her.

“I see it,” she whispers, and feels Kara’s arm tighten around her waist, feels Kara dropping kisses above her eyebrow.

“I used to come up here and look for Rao for hours. I think Eliza knew, but she let me do it anyway. I’d just stare, and when I found it I used to fly so fast toward it, just speed in its direction. I knew I wouldn’t reach it, I wasn’t stupid. I was twelve, I was considered very intelligent on Krypton, I studied the stars. I knew. But I’d find myself four towns over, miles and miles away before I’d look down and let myself fall. Usually I’d cry. I could never go back, you know?”

Lena is quiet. She’s never lost a world but she _does_ know, just a little bit, has lost someone that cut her off from a branch of her life. 

“You’d know better than anyone, Lena.”

Lena loves her.

“When I was thirteen I started boarding school in Ireland,” Lena says slowly, feels Kara squeeze her comfortingly. “It was the first time I’d been back since my mother drowned. Almost ten years later. But it was this remote campus in the countryside and I had no idea where I was raised. I could remember sights, like I knew the view from my bedroom window and I remembered the toy shop in town and the park my mother and I used to have picnics at. But I didn’t… I didn’t know the name, didn’t know where to start. So I never did. And I let myself remember, but it was high school, you know? I spent time in the back of the library reading about Irish villages and I never found it. So I’ve never lost a world, but I know what it feels like to never come back to something.”

Kara kisses her again, on the top of her head this time, sighs, and says quietly, “maybe our New Year’s resolution can be to find some answers. You’d be surprised at the kind of information I have access to knowing Cat Grant, I can try to dig up some records. Only if you want to, of course.”

“I’d love to,” Lena answers, and she can’t believe where she is. She knew now how to take credit for her successes and this was her greatest one— she’d healed herself, redeemed herself, gotten herself help when she needed it. She’d gotten into a good state of mind and gotten Kara and now here she was, on a roof in late December promising about finding answers to secrets long buried.

It strikes her then that Kara is maybe the love of her life, that maybe this is it for Lena, that third love that people talk about so often. Her first love in high school, with a girl who would cut her own bangs, a whirlwind of discovery. Andrea, her best friend at the time, slowly finding her rightful place as Lena’s second love, the heartbreak, the deep one, the one she wanted to be forever. 

And here was Kara. Her future. 

She can’t quite express it. She squeezes Kara’s hand.

Kara knows. She’s sure of it. 

\---  
FEBRUARY

When Lena finally says it it’s almost a mundane thing. Well, with Kara nothing is quite _mundane_ , but still. 

It happens on an early morning on a Sunday in February. Kara has saved up sick days and has given herself a week off starting Monday, and because Lena is Lena Luthor she is able to manipulate dates to give herself a week off at the same time. 

They are going to Ireland, taking a “road trip slash Lena’s heritage search”, as Kara insisted on referring to it every time it came up. With the help of some contacts Kara had traced Lena to three possible towns, and Lena was nervous. She wasn’t sure what to expect, what she’d remember. What if she was wrong?

She’d aired out all of her fears around Kara though, late at night when she was feeling bold. And every time Kara spoke low, telling her that it was okay no matter what. That it wouldn’t be a waste if they didn’t find anything. That anything they did come across would be important to her. That Lena deserved this.

Lena was nervous but Kara was making her excited, chirping about how many years it’d been since she’d flown on a plane and how she’d never flown first class before (“Lena, is it true they give you extra cookies? Delta has Biscoff now. _Biscoff_ ,”). And Lena would show her pictures of the remote B&Bs they would be staying in, telling her about a breakfast place in Dublin that they had to stop in when they landed, about a few sights she wanted to drive by.

She felt herself healing every day, felt Kara healing next to her. She knew they were both recovering on their own, in their own way, but that having Kara near her was certainly helping the process. 

And now Lena felt herself again, felt _better_ than herself, felt like the woman fifteen-year-old Lena would have dreamed about being when gazing out her dormitory window.

“Lena, I noticed you didn’t pack your fluffy coat and it’ll get cold at one of the places we’re staying. Also I love that coat. But your bag was full, I just stuffed it into mine, I hope you don’t mind.”

Lena blinks. Kara is standing before her, suitcases in hand, stupid little baseball cap on her head to proclaim that this was “Traveling Kara,” as Alex had explained in great detail. “Never come between Traveling Kara and her rainbow mentos,” she’d warned.

And here Kara was, dressed in an old shirt of Lena’s from an L-Corp fundraiser and its t-shirt cannons and her silly NCU cap and Lena is overwhelmed again.

“Kara?”

“Yeah?” Kara mumbles, rooting through her pocket. “Damn, where did I put the–,”

“I love you.”

Kara goes very quiet. She slowly raises her head. 

“You… you love me?”

Lena just nods. 

And then Kara is absolutely beaming and Lena is positive purer joy has never existed like this before. Kara is wrapping Lena in her arms and squeezing her and mouthing something into her shoulder.

Lena loves her so much, is pretty sure she’s going to spend the rest of her life doing just that, and she thinks that maybe she’s totally okay with that, as long as it’s Kara Danvers.

\---

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the earth birthday thing I never know if it’s May 18 or September 22 but for this I went with May because whatever. Umm okay I hope you enjoyed this! Talk to me on [tumblr](https://blackseablacksky.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/queenofmarigxld) !
> 
> thank you!! <3


End file.
